because there is no excuse for being normal
by goodbye world
Summary: When Luna discovers an infestation of Umgubular Slashkilters in her office, what will happen? And who is that man who somehow avoided infection by Slashkilter venom?


_Just because I felt like it. And because I Like Luna and Rolf :)_

_I own nothing…_

"_A thought that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"_

—Albert Einstein

Luna Lovegood was pondering the restorative properties of Blibbering Humdinger feet when a Wrackspurt suddenly flew into her head through her ear. She knew that it was a Wrackspurt because she had sneezed quite suddenly, and sneezing was the body's method of expelling Wrackspurts. She sneezed again but her nose still tickled, meaning that the Wrackspurt was still in her brain.

Well. This wouldn't do at all. She couldn't possibly think straight when there was a Wrackspurt flying around in her head! She knew she should have worn her Spectrespecs today! Then she could have seen it coming. But, no… her boss disapproved of her "flamboyant attire" and preferred her to dress "normally." So today she had left the Spectrespecs and her dirigible plum (though most people called the radish) earrings at home, and wore only a boring old pink-and-green spotted dress and yellow rain boots. And now she had a Wrackspurt in her head!

She certainly wouldn't be able to write this report on Blibbering Humdingers now, so instead she decided to search the building for Umgubular Slashkilters. She was sure there were some here. Why else would her coworkers wear black and gray every day? They must have gotten infected by Slashkilter venom. It was said to make people indescribably dull.

Yes, this building was definitely infected, Luna thought, sneezing and walking down the beige-painted hallways. It was the absolute perfect habitat for the Umgubular Slashkilter. You'd think a magizoology office would have a bit more protection against these creatures, but it seemed that they were completely oblivious. It was only Luna's third day on the job and already she could see the signs.

She peeked into different offices as she went and saw only neat, Spartan desks and people in black business suits with ugly hairdos. How could no one have noticed the infestation before? It was so obvious from the painfully dull environment! There might even be more than one Slashkilter! Perhaps even a whole family!

In one of the offices Luna looked into there was a man wearing a bright green tie with a desk in a state of mild disarray. Maybe the Slashkilter hadn't gotten to him so much yet, Luna thought excitedly. If so, she could recruit his help.

She entered the office and he looked up. "May I help you, Miss…" he trailed off, awaiting her name.

Instead of giving it to him, she replied, quite gravely, "Yes. This office has an awful infestation of Umgubular Slashkilters."

"Ah," said the man. "And how do you propose we fix this problem?"

"Well," she said with a cough, "I figured we'd just hunt around until we found some and then use a color-change charm to weaken them." That was the easiest remedy for Slashkilters. They absolutely hated bright colors and were severely put out whenever she turned them blue or orange or some other non-gray color.

Luna nodded to herself and walked out of the office, continuing on her search. She was halfway down the hallway when she realized that the man had not, in fact, followed her. She turned back around with a sneeze, popped her head into his office, and asked, "Aren't you coming?"

"Of course," he said, standing up. "Wouldn't want to miss a Slashkilter hunt, now would I?"

"All right, then." And with that she turned and began skipping down the hallway and humming to herself.

He jogged to catch up with her. "I'm sorry but I can't seem to remember your name."

"No, you wouldn't. But, then, if you never knew it in the first place, how could you remember it?" And then Luna was pondering the intricacies of memories.

"Erm, what?"

"Yes," she said absentmindedly.

"Well, I'm Rolf Scamander," he gave up trying to figure it out. "What's your name?"

She sneezed. "Wrackspurts," she muttered to herself before replying, "My name is Luna Lovegood." And then she spun around to a nondescript door in the wall. "Perfect! It's completely boring!"

"It's perfect for what, exactly?" Rolf asked, wondering what this Luna could possibly want with this floor's broom closet. A few implications then struck him and he looked again at her. What on earth was he supposed to do? How to refuse her without injuring her self esteem… Oh, he was never any good at rejection. Maybe… well, she was very pretty. Maybe just one escapade in a broom closet wouldn't hurt anyone…

Luna, however, was oblivious to this train of thoughts and instead answered the question at hand. "Perfect for Umgubular Slashkilters, of course! They love dull and boring things."

Rolf instantly felt sheepish. What on earth had he been thinking? They weren't at Hogwarts anymore… "Well then what are we waiting for?" he asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.

And with that, Luna twisted the doorknob to reveal… nothing but a couple brooms and miscellaneous cleaning supplies. Luna felt disappointed, but decided to continue on her quest for Slashkilters. She had to save this place from its terrible boredom!

"Well," said Rolf, "that's a bit of a letdown but I suppose we've still got the rest of the building," echoing her sentiments exactly. She smiled and coughed a bit

They continued on, speaking about magical creatures (Luna explained all about Nargles and Plimpies), Hogwarts (Rolf had been a Ravenclaw three years ahead of her), and anything else they so chose.

But all too soon they had scoured the whole building and found not a trace of a Slashkilter.

Luna sighed. "I guess that's it, then. Slashkilters are masters of disguise and camouflage, I suppose, but…"

Rolf felt a wave of irrational sadness wash over him at the thought that their adventure would be over. This was the most fun he had had in ages. "Luna," he burst out suddenly, "would you like to go out with me?"

Her eyes lit up and his heart jumped. "Of course!" He began to mentally catalog places he could take her. Coffee, movies, restaurant… "Why didn't I think of that? The Slashkilters could very well have a nest outside, especially in this weather!"

Rolf's face fell and he sighed.

"I don't think we've got time today, though. It's almost six, already! I still need to get home, eat dinner, so much to do… But we can look tomorrow!" She smiled up at him and then turned quite suddenly with a little sneeze and began skipping off down the hall.

Well, there was that. Maybe tomorrow… and he drifted off into thinking of the possibilities.

oOo

_And that's the end. Maybe. I might continue if I get enough reviews. And if I feel like it._

_If I do, then… Luna's getting sick! And who better to take care of her than Rolf!_


End file.
